Love: Bio Parent's Vs. Adoptive Parent's

Bio parents don't understand something you know as an adoptive parent.

You see, when you receive your child something magical begins to happen. Slowly, over time, it's like heretofore unused tendrils of a love connection reach out from a place hidden within you to your child and become welded in place tighter than any bond anywhere. It produces feelings you never knew you had. It makes you love your child more than your own life. It makes you realize you thought you could not love anyone even more than your spouse, but you can. It makes you see a child not blessed with beauty as the most beautiful thing on earth.

Sometimes, when you ponder what would have happened to your child had he or she not been adopted, it can take your breath away.

For many adoptive parents, the wonder of this new and exhilarating feeling can only be explained by the belief that a higher power or a red thread or whatever brought you together with the one and only child on the planet that you could connect to in that magical way.

For many bio parents, the wonder of this new and exhilarating feeling can only be explained by the belief it comes from carrying the child in your womb, and the DNA passed on to the child, and that an adopted child must be loved . . . differently.

Despite my limited expertise, I strongly believe both are wrong. I think what happens is no matter which child is placed in your arms as your own, that pushes the magic button to start the unbelievable process, and the irrevocable welding begins with no difference whatever between bio and adopted.

So when a bio parent says or implies an adopted child could never be loved quite the same as a bio child, maybe we should give them a break and not take offense since maybe none is intended. They probably don't know the exhilaration they feels about their child would have been the same if they had not carried the child and given birth, and maybe they are just trying to say what a wonderous thing it is to connect to a child as they have done. Maybe this is their version of singing from the rooftops.

And how could you explain to them in a moment or two in a convincing way it is just the same for an adopted child? It can't be done. So you can say you love your adopted child just the same as they love their bio child, they walk away quietly believing you are wrong, you walk away knowing they are wrong, but give them a break, they are blinded by love.